2012 or Bust

I was sitting on a park bench reading a book the other day, when my state representative happened by. He took a seat next to me, and started to eat an apple. I tried to appear as engrossed in my book as possible, as I was desperately afraid of what conversation might come about.


“So!” he asked brightly. “What do you think of the health care legislation?”

I sighed and closed my book, and gathered my thoughts in the same way that a person might carry an armload of M and M’s.

“I’ve got to say, it has me a bit confused.”

“I’m glad I happened by then! Let’s talk.”

“Well, what are the goals of the legislation? Let’s start there.”

My representative beamed with pride. “Our goal is to make sure everyone has healthcare, to lower costs, and to make sure everything is fair!”

“Worthy goals indeed; how are you going to make it happen?”

“Well, first off, we’re going to punish anyone who doesn’t have health care! To be honest, I’m not sure why this hasn’t been tried before. It’s worked very well with car insurance. I mean yes technically you don’t have to have car insurance if you don’t have a car, but since most people do it’s practically the same thing.”

“So, what about the people who can’t afford health insurance—in the same way they can’t afford a car?”

“Oh that’s easy! We’ll have a public option so that everyone can afford health insurance. The government will pay for it.”

“And this insurance will cover less than normal insurance?”

The rep looked shocked. “That would be cruel! Do you think our poorest members of society deserve less than the wealthy?”

“Oh not at all! I merely was wondering why anyone would pay more for the same insurance coverage.”

“Oh people do it all the time! That’s like asking why anyone would shop anywhere else but Wal-Mart.”

This point I had to concede, but still I pressed on. “Even so, you have to be prepared for the possibility that everyone will want the public option. What then?”

The representative beamed. “Well then! The government could hire all the people that used to work at the HMOs and such, and manage the entire healthcare system! It would be fantastic, because then we could really control costs!”

“Really? I would think trying to manage healthcare for nearly three hundred million people would get a bit unwieldy.”

“On the front end, sure there will be some increased costs, but we can more than make up for it on the back end.”

“The back end?”

”Yes! Doctors and hospitals, and especially pharmaceutical companies! Have you seen the cars those people drive? Can’t they buy something that isn’t made in Germany for once?”

“I don’t know too many nurses who drive Porches.”

“Never mind the nurses. We’ll try to cut them some slack I guess. But there is a lot of money being made in healthcare! Why should people try to profit off of other people suffering?”

“Well, there is a lot of school involved here. It takes a tremendous amount of work to become a doctor or a biochemist or anything like that. And it’s not like the jobs are easy once you get there. We’re talking long days and life and death decisions! Even the managers have to manage properly or people will die. If they all can make the same or more money doing something easier, with less pressure, why wouldn’t they?”

“Altruism!”

I stared blankly at him for several seconds. When I realized he had nothing to add, I continued. “Aren’t you claiming that the whole problem is that all these people are greedy?”

“Well, these people are obviously! But given the right people we can have them working for a song!”

“Where are you going to find these people? The next generation will have been brought up thinking medical people are all money grubbing evildoers, out to scam the sick. Why would they even consider entering the field?”

"My dear man,” he replied. “We don’t need to worry about the next generation.”

“We don’t?” I said, incredulously.

“Not at all—we only have to make it to 2012.”

"What, are you talking about the Mayan prediction about the end of the world?”

“What? No not at all. I’m talking about the next election. Anyway, what’s that you’ve been reading?”

“A book on homeopathic cures for common ailments—it looks like it might come in handy.”

All characters in this story are fictional and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental…and disturbing.

Incidently, I submitted the above story to the Scranton Times/Tribuine, and got the following response:
”
Thanks for your submission but it’s just way too long for us to accomodate. It’s more than 800 words.
The maximum length for a letters to the editor entry is 400 words. ” And here I thought I was being pithy.

- Vincent J. Shuta Jr.
http://www.shutamultimedia.com
http://www.shuta.com